When Is It Time To Grow Up?

In the past couple of days I've noticed an abundance of insightful notes, most of which are by people I would call my brothers. One of these notes had a question that I felt could be expanded on a bit. In the note "Breaking The Law Vol. 1: Did You See That Stop Sign," in the third paragraph Derek asks "When is it the right time to grow up?" Now a question like this can be answered in many different ways depending on who you ask. Things such as lifestyle, age, or even the people that one may hang around can have part in the result. But my question is where is the line drawn where everyone of all classifications can agree that it's time for a change?

First off I want to say that under no circumstances should people try to force change when they aren't truly ready, but maturity is something that people shouldn't have to force in the first place. Maturity is growth. Not just growth physically, but also mentally (maybe even more so). This is why when a grown ass man/woman displays kid-like qualities, it is common that their maturity is put to question.

With all of this said anyone who truly knows me knows that I have goofy side. I'll joke with anyone surrounding me as long as the situation permits. Buhh, Buhh BUT, that doesn't mean that every situation is to be made a mockery of. A lot of people nowadays are stuck in high school and just can't figure out their next move. They continue to use the same antics and recite the same jokes that were once funny as teenagers, but while they laugh at themselves they never realize that they are the only ones doing it. I believe that all of this is caused by two major issues.

The first being that they didn't have the HS career (socially) that they wanted, so they attempt to make up for lost time now. One may have never had the attention they were going for as a teenager, so now that people pay them mind they do things to pretty much state "Hey, I'm goofy...be friends with me!" OOOOK! Point Taken. The wild thing is that the people who meet you this way might find you amusing at first, but after a while they see it simply as annoying, once realizing that it not only gets deeper, but it's the only aspect to your personality.

The other major issue is simply being scared to mature. Some people feel like growing up is filled with nothing but bills and having the burden of fending for one's self. They disguise this fear with goofiness and by talking about every major change you would like to make in life w/o ever actually putting the effort into doing so. This hurts most when someone has to see a friend or a number of them go through this stage just because they may not be completely sure what they want out of life. I think that if people took the time out to speak to their friends about this (constructively not rudely), they can possibly be the x-factor in their positive change.

Overall, I think some people have a lot of soul searching to do. Just because one lifestyle is all that someone has ever known, doesn't mean it's necessarily the best lifestyle. Maturing isn't something that is forced but when it you see the signs, PAY ATTENTION! Once one gimmick stops working, pick up another one and keep it moving. Maybe then people will start to laugh with you, opposed to just looking at you.

Enough Favors.....

One thing I was always told as a youth was to always "look out for your star player." For anyone that is at all new to the phrase, this is a saying used to tell people to always act with yourself in mind. Even the most selfless of people occasionally have to do things that are more positive for themselves opposed to always trying to better the issues of others. My question is how many of us actually do this? I mean sure! One could live their entire life for others. But I can guarantee that in 50% (or more) of the acts in which they are participating in, they are in turn leaving themselves out to dry in the process. This is where kindness gets confused with weakness. The "giving" party has put their self in a situation to potentially be used over and over again. At this point the only thing saving them from being taken advantage of is if (and ONLY IF), the "friend" given this power doesn't abuse it. But that's not even the wild part. If it ever does gets this extreme, the user may be so accustomed to one playing the yes man, that they may not even realize that they are abusing you and the friendship shared.

Now when it comes to me, I feel like I've always looked out for myself. I may be lenient at times, but for the most part I don't have a problem saying NO. But if you paid close attention to my last sentence, you realized I said for the MOST part. Recently, within the last year or so I would say that I've been more likely to break my back at times for others. In some cases I have offered to do things and in others I've been asked. In just about all of these cases though, the people I acted for were all companions (some way closer than others) of mine. During this year of kindness I've came up with a result. People will use you only as much as you let them. Whether it's lending money, giving someone a ride or even helping people with their own situations. It's funny to see how one day you can do something for a person, and the next day when it's you that needs the help they can quickly get ghost. I can honestly say that I feel like some of the things I have done for people as of late that I would once call friend, or even bro, has gone unnoticed. Now, I'm not asking for anyone to give me money or send me hallmark cards about how much they appreciate me. Anyone that truly knows me can tell you that I'm not the type to hold things over another's head. Especially when I was the one who agreed to do it for them. Buh, buh BUT when you put your own security/money/advantages (even licenses in some scenarios lolol) on the line for others that you once trusted, it can really hit you once you realize they only seen you as the simp that could be leached off of. With that said there is truly no one to blame but the person being used. If you don't allow it, IT CAN'T HAPPEN. In the end it may even open your eyes to who you can really call friends.

After this blog I can honestly say that I'm not the same person I came into it as. A lot of the stuff I went on about has opened me up to the truth opposed to various misconceptions of friendship (which I hope is taken with others also). This in itself has changed up my mindset a bit, so I guess it can be taken as a warning. Just because some people are there with you physically, doesn't mean you all are on the same page mentally. What one sees as a cry for help, another sees as a sign of weakness. If you're reading this I just ask that you PLEASE do me this one favor....

Make sure that you ALWAYS look after your star player!!!

Insomniac

It seems that I can't get with you,
Although I can't do without you,

I feel like I have a block in my mental,
So I had to write about you,

When you're not there, I display the harshest of rudes
It's easy to see that without you I get a swingin' of moods

I don't care if I'm seen out with you, I'm not easily embarrassed
If only for a couple hours of the day, you're presence is surely cherished

But what am I to do when you're not there at all?
Roll around continuously, awaiting your call..

Constantly trippin', wonderin if we can be
Prayin that for one nite you come to stay with me

I know you've been with others, but I'm not worried about the past
But whenever we played questions, there was one I forgot to ask...

We've always had an contract agreement, so for this you can't sue...
I need my 8 hours back, SLEEP...WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?

R.I.P Dolla

Although he was generally known for only one song, Dolla is yet another music artist (on a list that seems to keep getting longer and longer) that we've lost to gun violence. My condolences to his family and to everyone else that knew him. SMH

Atlanta rapper Dolla slain in Beverly Hills

By CHRISTIAN BOONE

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Monday, May 18, 2009

Atlanta rapper Dolla was killed Monday afternoon outside a popular Beverly Hills mall, his publicist has confirmed.

Dolla, born Roderick Anthony Burton II, was gunned down while waiting in the valet area of the Beverly Center, said publicist Sue Vannasing. He was accompanied by another local rapper, D.J. Shabbazz, and a fellow Jive Recording artist, Scrapp DeLeon.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Rap artist Dolla, born Roderick Anthony Burton II, had a song, ‘Feelin’ Myself,’ featured on the ‘Step Up’ soundtrack

Los Angeles Police spokeswoman Karen Rayner said two “persons of interest” — one male, one female — are being questioned but neither has been charged in connection with the shooting. They were detained before attempting to board a plane out of Los Angeles International Airport, about 10 miles away from the Beverly Center.

Vannasing said Dolla, 21, was involved in an altercation before the shooting with an unidentified man and woman who followed him to the mall. A witness at the Beverly Center said Burton was shot by a woman, according to an L.A Times report.

Dolla had just arrived in Los Angeles earlier Monday, his publicist said. He was recording his first album, “Another Day, Another Dolla.”

“He had a very promising career,” Vannasing said. “He was being hyped as the next Tupac [Shakur]. He chose music to get off the streets.”

Burton moved to Atlanta when he was 5 after his father shot himself in front of the rapper and his sister.

“He was the man of the house,” Vannasing said.

His mother, Joyce Burton, still resides in Atlanta, where Dolla’s funeral will be held, Vannasing said.

News of the shooting spread rapidly on Twitter where, ironically, the rapper had just opened an account earlier in the day.

According to his official MySpace page, Burton began performing in local showcases at age 12 with his group, Da Razkals Cru. He was signed to Elektra Records in 2001, his site says. The label eventually dissolved and the group split in 2003, when Dolla said he returned to Atlanta to focus on a solo career.

“I was disappointed but all that made me do was work harder,” he said. “It was a stepping stone.”

He soon signed with Jive, where, collaborating with former Elektra acquaintance, Akon, released his first single “Who The F—- Is That?” featuring T-Pain.

“My music is universal,” Dolla said on his Web site. “I can do street music or pop music. But whatever I do, I attempt to make meaningful songs with substance.”

Keepin It 100....

Recently, as I've been paying close attention to the people in my circle, I've noticed that there is A LOT of fakeness around me. Not necessarily them showing it themselves, but things that they may speak on about their day-to-day lives that are filled with false, lame and in some cases very deceiving activities. This adds on to all of it that I'm experiencing myself and it makes me wonder this....Where are the REALISTS???

Now I know you may think the term "Realist" does not actually have anything to do with "keeping it real" at all times. Well that's true, but one definition for the word is -a person who takes the world as it is literally and deals with it accordingly. Why can't some people play with the hands they are dealt? It's always good to upgrade yourself and do better than the past, but is lying to make yourself LOOK better, really actually MAKING you better...Or is it just building a smoke screen for what is truly there? I think the latter...

In this note I will list things that I see as phony and also elaborate on them so everyone can completely understand where I'm coming from. It will range from things that I've noticed while away at school as well as at home...and also things from my personal experience as well as my circle's. I'm going to TRY not to touch the relationship aspect as much since it seems to be the trend in most of these...LOL...but i'm making NOOO promises.

1. Not Being Able To Keep A Steady Personality- I understand that not everyone has a good day, each and everyday. The days will come that one isn't in the mood to stop and converse, or sometimes even wave. BUT, the least someone can do is keep it steady. It's wild how drastic of a change we can see in someone's ENTIRE character over the course of a semester. People change, that's natural and positive (sometimes lol). But there is a line...which MANY step over habitually.

2. People Acting Like Something They're Not- It's crazy how people go to a completely different setting (Ex: College) and become a completely different individual. Now college is supposed to MOLD you, and that's all good. But when you start to talk and move like something you're not, the line has been crossed. For example, you can't be that one shy kid in high school that never spoke to anyone...had that one friend who used to always be attached at the hip because you felt uncomfortable w/o them...scared to cut the lunch line type and then three months later as a freshman in college you are extra loud, claiming a hood you truly never knew and swearing you'll swing on anyone when given the opportunity...NAAH, that's not you!

3. People That Fake Perfection- There is no man or woman on this earth that can truly claim perfection, so why is it hard for so many of us to cope with what we have? Now it's one thing to keep all of the issues to yourself. If you don't want to speak on them, so be it. After all it is YOUR problem. But don't lie on it to act like you are without a flaw. Personally, I know someone who is ashamed to ever say they don't have money. So, opposed to just saying they can't do something due to funds they would rather make up a string of lies until they get caught up in them. Word to the wise, people know you're not perfect...so attempting to look that way just makes you appear more phony.

4. Getting Caught and Still Lying- I know, it can be hard to admit that you lied. Who really wants to be looked at and labeled as a constant liar? But there is a point where you can't anymore. Recently, I have heard many stories in which someone went behind their friend's back (and against their trust) and committed acts of deception, but once the proof was set in stone and the liar's caught red-handed...they STILL claim innocence. Look, when you're caught...YOUR CAUGHT! Be a man/woman and admit, apologize and keep it moving. Regaining someone's trust is way easier to do when they don't have to lose ALL of it before you decide to fess up!

5. Using The Past To Not Accept The Present- Of course, with everything real, comes 1,000 things fake. But I hate...well not hate, but dislike when someone doesn't take my word for what it is. If I tell you something, TAKE IT! Don't listen to what I say, and then look at your past and makeup your own twisted definition of what I said. Then once realizing that I was being serious say "Well, how was I supposed to know you really meant that, because when in the same situation with Jason, Christina, Mike, Jenny and Drew..they weren't serious." Come on now...like I said there is a lot of fake out there, but when it is MY word..rest assure you can take it EXACTLY how it is given.

6. Smiling In Someone's Face That You Don't Like- If you don't like someone, show it. I'm not saying go and beat their head in whenever possible, but just keep it 100! I don't understand how someone can speak, eat, shake hands, and travel with the same person they tell others that they despise for this and that reason. If you don't like me, and I say what's up...walk right past me! Don't have a full conversation with me...for me to hear later that you were clowning me just before you walked towards me. If you walk past me, at least I know you're being real and if that's how you feel, that's how I feel.

7. People That Lie To Make Themselves Look Better In A Scenario- Now this kind of touches on #3, but I wanted to go a different direction with it. As an example, let's say someone is acting immature in a particular situation towards another. Of course, they don't want to keep it bottled in so they tell the story to another person for guidance. But instead of telling the story like it happened, they create their own far fetched tale for the listener's pleasure. Hmmm, but why can't they just tell the story how it went down? Simple..They KNOW they were wrong. If you are looking for precise advice in a situation, your best bet is to KEEP IT 100! Don't fabricate things you did in the story, because you don't want to look foolish yourself. If you're going to do that, you may as well keep it bottled in! Don't slaughter the other person's character just to save yours.

8. Keeping it Real Yourself, But Not Being Able To Be Kept Real With- Now as I write this note I KNOW, not every point may be felt (Imagine That). Just as I called myself "Keepin it 100", I'm open to each and every response I may get. I despise when people like to talk about others like they themselves have no issue, but then when someone gives them the slightest bit of constructive criticism they get defensive. Everyone has their flaws and if we don't allow others to catch a few of them for us..how will ever get AS CLOSE to perfection as we can get??..Exactly, WE CAN'T!

Overall, I just feel like if everyone kept it real the world would be so much better off. Fake is a weakness. Whether it's fakeness in one's personality or even in their "swag". If everything that was said didn't have to be read into deeper than just that, things would go much more SMOOTHLY!